Thursday, August 25, 2005 Trust Time

I need to stop now. I cannot believe myself.  I can't really reveal myself either because, I guess, I'm ashamed.  But, the worst part is I shouldn't be.  I am not supposed to hide my feelings or thoughts because I'm afraid to be thought of as lame, or annoying, or just another girl wanting stuff all the time.  But that's where I come to this conclusion... I should be able to say what I'm thinking and it should not be pointless, degrading, or shameful to me.  I should be empathized with and cared about, understood, and thought of. Until then, I will always just be fooling myself. Also, I think I believe in what I want to believe in all too much. Then, based on that, I create this facade that brings me happiness. When I discover that I am wrong-I get hurt. Boy, that's a real curse; a cycle-the worst kind of curse. Sadly, I think to myself that I had created something that I knew was going to be difficult and hard on me, but now I'm in too deep to do anything simple about it; simple for myself, because it seems that I'm the only one who seems to care about it. I think in time, I will become more aware of how things really are, or were.  I can't wait for that to happen...because each day that it takes to get there, I'll be here...and it's lame and painful.   However, I trust Time.  Sometimes it is the only remedy. My only comfort is that I've been here before and can almost predict the outcome.  I should believe in what I already know. Heck, that's the point in life, right? Learn from the past and your mistakes, history repeats itself, and so on... I still hope, though continue to remain doubtful. Trust Time. That's the only constant in this whole fiasco.  I shall wait for Time to tell.