Monday, May 31, 2004 help me

this is a funny situation....im stuck here at a party. i enjoy this place and the people...but for some reason, i am totally out of it. they are downatairs right now talking. i should be a part of this conversation because a friend of mine is in need of some listeners. he was telling some tragic story about his boyfriend and i found myself feeling rather light headed.    therefore, i find myself sitting in his room and writing. i hope this proves to be good therapy for me. i needed to write really badly to help give myself a better sense of reality. i hate when i get this way. i lose myself, and in order to get back to normal, i had to listen to some music. im hoping that writing in my blog is helping me come back to the real world.    this is the first time that i've gotten unhappily drunk in a long time. i usually get drunk to get into a state of overwhelming joy- however, some reason tonight, I am just not feeling like my normal happy self. im feeling rather out of control.    Ahh, I can feel the helpful affects of writing already. I hope to god that this feeling lasts. you know, i think that's why i write. it helps relax me. im feeling rather soothed. you know, i was desparate enough to try and download constructive relaxation music or something.    so anyway- this get together is fun. i hope that i can begin to enjoy it more and more. afterall, the night is rather young. well- ' till next time.