Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Then it said, "Look to Mother Mary"

What an awsome night last night. You ever sit in a big circle in the dimly lit living room in the middle of the night, with some pals where you end up having mezmorizing conversations, and it being one of the best times of your life? I hung at a friends house last night with two other gal pals. This friend of mine has always been intriguing to me. To be able to see him as afraid and vulnerable as everyone else was relieving.    For a while I was worried about him. He is one of those people who constantly hide behind a wall of what seems to be arrogance and pride- running away whenever someone was getting too close. Then, hurting those who trully cared because he didn't know what to make of it. Even now, I know he would never admit to being this. He suffered for being who he was his whole life. He must've always hoped that the superficial comforts that he had meant more. There must have been days where he wished that God would make things easier and change him, so that he could be free.    For some reason, I couldn't help but find myself drawn to him from the first time I met him. I wanted to help him; perhaps heal him. I wanted to coax him into joining me in the realization that you don't have to fear who you are, and that no matter what, there is always someone there who wants to hurt you. And in the normal scheme of things- its all right.    As our conversations digressed into "dreams," I saw the purest of human nature shine through him as he told his childhood nightmare. It is a nightmare that haunts him to this day- it even frightened me as I listened. But, I found myself overwhelmed with a maternal want to comfort him, as he quivered in fear at the telling of this bad dream. He was a five year old boy again, suffering through subconcious terror and craved for someone, anyone to help him...to please help him. But for the longest time, no one could. I don't know how or why I felt like I could save him; but I could tell in his eyes that he needed me to. And so there I was. I listened, I comforted; I provided safety and assurance. I don't think I carry the power to rescue all of him, but that night I hope I saved a part of him.