Monday, December 13, 2004 One Cold Sunday Evening

This last weekend I had a lot of time to reflect, yet again.    I did all the normal productive things...fixed my room, the curtains, washed the laundry, cleaned the dishes, went jogging, put up the tree, deck the halls etc.    Sunday night rolled around and the last few hours before the work week was to begin reminded me of something almost enlightening and refreshing and depressing all at the same time. I was alone.    It had been a long while since I have felt this way. There I was on my balcony, feeling the frosty air on my cheeks, taking drag after drag of the last cigarette in my pack. There was only the sound of the wind and maybe some scurrying done by several animals nearby. The rustling of the trees was hard to ignore, likewise with the darkness of the fall sky.    Noone was with me to laugh and joke and share vices. I had attempted to collect people and maybe have some sort of get together...but they were out doing things that I really didn't feel like doing this time. I had also brought up a cold one from downstairs because I craved it. I had not smoked or drank since the Thursday before. Its funny because the beer did not taste quite as good, nor did I really feel that I needed to finish my cigarette...but I did anyway.    My spirit was very much alive and wanted terribly to go out and adventure. There was just no where to go; this time no one who wanted to come. I figured, these days happen. I fell asleep thinking of the first season of Sex in the City, Christmas, the want of doing something fun, and also--a random picture in my head of kiwis, being placed in an orderly fashion, far far away. =)