Sunday, August 14, 2005 The Seventh

I'm so confused to the point where I feel like running sometimes.  I want to run not only to protect myself, but also to protect those I care about. I hardly believe in depending on the honesty and loyalty of others anymore.  I believe that every man is the same, and because of that, easy to predict.  I believe chivalry is dead.  Most of the time I am right, and that is the scariest thing of all.  Perhaps, my mother thought correct of me.  I'm not going to lie and say that I don't want to be there.  Because I do, very much so-and bask in all its goodness.   I want to believe that I can trust people, that maybe not everyone is the same, that I don’t have to worry anymore. I suppose this ideal can only exist in a perfect world, but can’t there be a little order in the chaos that we live in?  This night, I pondered if I could really be wrong this time, and everything is trully as it appears to be...wonderful.