the same time last year, i was in the same situation, except for one thing...i am worse this year, particularly mentally.
i know i tend to speak before i have everything figured out. and this time, i may have destroyed something forever.
what i wish i said is that i lost faith in me. not anyone else. me. what i wish i said is i can't handle my own life that i don't believe i can take care of myself. that i don't accept ME for what i am now. that i have become a weak, intolerable pessimist. but that is no one else's fault.
i am depressed. i am angry. i don't know why history repeated itself so cruelly. but it isn't anyone's fault, if at all...only mine. but i took that dagger and drove it into the heart of the closest thing to me. what i might have lost is the only thing that made me believe in me again. the only thing that gave me any worth. the only thing that would ever love the little i have left. and it is all my fault.
i wish i said thank you instead. thank you.
i was wrong.
and i deserve this.
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