what the fuck is going on!?
this whole situation is driving me mad. it's driving me MAD!
my personal life, my spiritual life, my physical health, is all sorts of bonkers right now!
i need some stability. please. Oh God. i always feel compelled to run away...but now there's nowhere left to run. i already ran away. i've learned a huge lesson that i should have known from the get-go. running doesn't solve anything.
i need to be revived. as much as i want to return to my old life, i know happiness wasn't there, so why do i expect it to be there now!?
i need guidance. more than anything. i need to be told where to go and what to do and who to talk to. but only from a perspective of unrequitted love.
who am i trying to kid. why am i looking back now!? especially when, for a moment, i felt like i had made it so far on my own. now i doubt myself again, that's what this has done.
it's this false hope that i have; that there is hope in my past. FUCK YOU!
i'm a fool. i can reap the fruits of the foolishness i've sowed now. i deserve it.
i'm trying so hard to think positive. sooo, very hard. because i just want to meet the people i should meet, be the person i should be, all in which would only cultivate what makes me happy. and i desparately need to find what makes me happy, truly happy. lonliness is my worst fear. but i haven't found the right soul, other than my family. and they're in SD.
i wish i knew.
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