I am not sure whether they are the changes that I've wished for...for me to get better and better, everyday and in every way. Or, am I making these changes out of selfishness, which worries me more than anything. I don't believe one can ever be in charge of their lives; rather, their lives continuously surprise them.
2009 rang in wonderfully, with hope of optimistic foreshadowing of a bright year ahead. Is that what's going on? I sit in suspense within the process of whatever is to come.
Yes, due to some recent trauma that was LA, the biggest change of my life thus far, I am anxious. Fear occasionally grips me when I think of everything that has been going on in even the last 2 weeks; new friendships, renewed friendships, tears, joy, new headshots, smoked what I hope is my last cigarette, and possibly losing my family house that has preserved our family unity, pride, and safety for the last 4 years. It is easy for me to feel trapped and stifled, or that I'm amidst more bad decisions...
And then, I say to myself that I simply just don't understand the process in its tinkering, and all will eventually be revealed later.
All I can do is go with the flow. As Bruce Lee said, I have to be like water; as well as not focus on the finger that points to the moon, as I will miss the heavenly glory of the moon itself.
Hm...What is happening? I cannot help but wonder.
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