Day 3-Relashe Crap (A series of vents continues), Jan 4, 2008, 9:07 PM

Well. For most of the day I was fuckn' sad. I missed him. I missed him, and I wanted to somehow reach him, indirectly-like through his friends...to tell him that I love him, and that I hope he's doing ok.

But, this break is more of his idea that I was willing to try, so it is his break to end.  I've learned so much in these few days about my flaws with my outlook, and received insight on the way we treat each other.

I regretted a lot today.  I regretted a lot of things that I said to him, or did to him...throwing misdirected bad energy at him.  As much as I hate to say it...I deserved this.  I deserved it, and I'm sorry.

God...everything we've been through for the last three years flashed before me today.  My depression came in waves that kept crashing...first remembering what he did to me then remembering what I've done to him...realizing that neither of us are innocent and both contributed to where we are now.

At first, I didn't know how to be positive about this...until I figured this break is truly keeping us together. Without it, we would've been broken apart. I hope he's realizing as many issues and solutions as I am. 

These days apart feels like an eternity. 

Then, I remeber New Year's day, and the coldness I felt from him...it was as though he didn't love me anymore, despite the the things he said.  I hope it was just anger. I hope he still loves me. I bought "Poker for Dummies," for crying out loud.

I should have been there with you.

Enlightening:

Tnyspryt (8:58:08 PM): so yeah
Tnyspryt (8:58:16 PM): explain why guys need time to themselves, for thinking?
Tnyspryt (8:58:18 PM): dude...really?
Tnyspryt (8:58:37 PM): i can get it together in 3 minutes if i have to
starznballz (8:58:54 PM): hmm.. well think about it, luvs. Don't tell me you can be with someone for every single moment and not be tired of the monotony
Tnyspryt (8:59:35 PM): no no no
Tnyspryt (8:59:37 PM): not monotony
Tnyspryt (8:59:45 PM): its more about fighting all the time
Tnyspryt (8:59:52 PM): and stressful situations
starznballz (8:59:39 PM): so the monotony of fighting and stressful situations?
starznballz (8:59:39 PM):
Tnyspryt (9:00:09 PM): ohhhhhhhhhh
Tnyspryt (9:00:12 PM): h,
Tnyspryt (9:00:14 PM): hm
Tnyspryt (9:00:23 PM): dude, that doesn't solve anything
Tnyspryt (9:00:26 PM): that just puts it off
Tnyspryt (9:00:47 PM): sounds like the pussy way out
Tnyspryt (9:00:48 PM): lol
starznballz (9:00:28 PM): well that doesn't mean you'll come back a week later and ignore it
Tnyspryt (9:01:09 PM): rey. you are one of the most talented gurus i know
Tnyspryt (9:01:16 PM): you keep making sense
starznballz (9:00:57 PM): i would assume it's so you guys can get your emotions straight so you can solve your problems rationally
Tnyspryt (9:01:24 PM): you are the world's best kept secret

There's a storm out tonight.  Finally, some rationality. Thank you.