The Transfer

It's finally complete.  My Myspace blog has been transferred over to Blogger, even if all the wonderful comments and context could not be.

I used to write. I used to write when my life was a lot more exciting. A lot has happened since then. I've practically died, and then I've been resurrected. However, there is a lot more pieces to be put back in place before I become who I want to be yet.

I've changed. I've changed a whole lot. In time, I will get into the huge changes that I've been through; life had thrown a massive curve ball. But, my spirit and soul still persist. One day, I will be whoever I'm really supposed to be.

I'll always be nostalgic...diligently recording memories whenever I can, however I can, and with whoever has come along for the ride.

Let's see if I can begin a new life. A new kind of Joho.

It's time to bang, bang, bang again.

What have i done?, Mar 13, 2010, 2:45 AM

i asked this repeatedly as i drove away. something was wrong and i couldn't figure out what it was.

the same time last year, i was in the same situation, except for one thing...i am worse this year, particularly mentally.

i know i tend to speak before i have everything figured out. and this time, i may have destroyed something forever.

what i wish i said is that i lost faith in me. not anyone else. me. what i wish i said is i can't handle my own life that i don't believe i can take care of myself. that i don't accept ME for what i am now. that i have become a weak, intolerable pessimist. but that is no one else's fault.

i am depressed. i am angry. i don't know why history repeated itself so cruelly. but it isn't anyone's fault, if at all...only mine. but i took that dagger and drove it into the heart of the closest thing to me. what i might have lost is the only thing that made me believe in me again. the only thing that gave me any worth. the only thing that would ever love the little i have left. and it is all my fault.

i wish i said thank you instead. thank you.


i was wrong.
and i deserve this.

For Myspacers: Have a Look at My Wares!, Mar 10, 2010 , 10:32 PM

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade Jovi.etsy.com

A Question, Feb 20, 2010, 1:59 PM

Fragile Like a baby in your arms Be gentle with me I'd never willingly Do you harm Apologies Are all you seem to get from me But just like a child You make me smile When you care for me And you know... It's a question of lust It's a question of trust It's a question of not letting What we've built up Crumble to dust It is all of these things and more That keep up together Independence Is still important for us though (we realise) It's easy to make The stupid mistake Of letting go (do you know what I mean) My weaknesses You know each and every one (it frightens me) But I need to drink More than you seem to think Before I'm anyone's And you know... Kiss me goodbye When I'm on my own But you know that I'd Rather be home

The Romantic video of "A Question Of Lust" sung by Martin Lee Gore of Depeche Mode
Release : 1986

The point, Feb 18, 2010, 10:40 PM

i wish i could drink away my pain like i used to. sober pain is choking me. everyone is drunk and i am isolated, watching them laugh.

i don't know how to cope. i have run out of resources. i have run out of relationships.

i feel utterly alone and different. alien. forgotten. i've been in my dungeon for a long time, just watching the days tick by.



i'm trying to grasp the point. what is the point?

OMG 5 YEARS, Jan 10, 2010, (edited)9:22 PM

5 years ago...

...a dark and brooding blue-eyed teenager

took a fun-loving Filipino gal 3 years his senior

for a crazy ride,

and they never got off.

<3

My Lucky List, Nov 13, 2009, 4:23 PM

Despite all the crap this year...I'm going to make a nice long list to remind myself how lucky I really am.  This is more for me, so if it bores you...I totarry understand.  Also, this is not meant to boast. My more negative side would laugh and say I have nothing to boast about.

So, just for me...to remember:

1. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is honest, thoughtful, romantic, hilarious, loyal, and loves me unconditionally.

2. I have a wonderful family. I can really write a book on this, but for the sake of this list, I'll just keep it short.

3. I have enough money to survive at present.

4. I have a decent place to stay where all my needs are provided.

5. I have a beautiful view that wakes me up in the morning and puts me to bed at night.

6. I have two computers.

7. I have a chihuahua that reminds me to live and love a bit more.

8. I have a car that doesn't quit.

9. I have a human-like cat that never fails to amaze me with his unique personality. He loves me a lot too.

10. No matter what happens, I can always eat meat and potatoes.

11. I lived in LA.

12. I got on TV many times.

13. I've experienced a trans-pacific volcano evacuation.

14. I have health insurance.

15. I have beautiful hair.

16. I am still young.

17. I believe in something greater than myself and experience it daily.

18. I have clear skin.

19. I learned what being an actor really means.

20. I get to travel, eat, and explore through cable television and books.

21. I got to learn bellydance.

22. I got to perform in parades, field shows, and concerts with my clarinet in high school.

23. I got to play steal drum.

24. I've been able to go to Disneyland and SeaWorld a million times and it never gets old.

25. I have a few friends, who I never really see anymore, but still wonder how I am and miss me.

26. I can draw.

27. I create things with my hands and imagination.

28. I have a really nice bed (in storage, but its mine.)

29. I got to make medications, IV's, and compounds for normal, really sick, or really famous people.

30. There's a lot of rustic character and breeze where I live. It makes me feel alive.

31. I have internet in my room.

32. I have my own private room and bathroom.

33. I can wear anything right now for the first time in my life.

34. I get to swim in a pool whenever I want.

35. I have a lot of shoes and a lot of clothes.

36. I have a DS which I thoroughly enjoy.

37. I live in place with central air.

38. I'm STD free. Haha.

39. I have perfect vision.

40. I have a cellphone that doesn't quit.

50. There's dairy free butter!

51. I have really strong bones.

52. I have nice calves and ankles.

53. I have straight teeth.

54. I have a Pharm Tech license.

55. I'm about to get a college degree, finally.

56. I have ok credit.

57. Everyone I love is healthy.

58. I can eat avocados all the time.

60. I have an older brother that acts as my portal to the latest in technology and gaming.

61. I can eat a lot of SweetTarts.

Well. I guess this is my list for the day. I have to say...I'm feeling pretty lucky right now. I might do this more often.