Wednesday, January 05, 2005 Wierd

One of my young uncles died yesterday because he swallowed a stone (too much LSD in college). And the same day, his father died from falling. Just thought I write about that wierdness.

Thursday, December 30, 2004 Northtown!

Last night was pretty cool. I drove all the way to freaking Del Mar to party for some ungodly reason. This is something I normally don't care to do (it waqs raining hard and the roads were slippery), but I felt the need to party at another house other then my own and drink someone else's booze. I didn't know but, one or two people at this place either. It was exactly what I needed before getting burned out with all the old everyday crap. But it was cool- I met some awesome characters! Plenty of booze. There was this heavy metal dude who riffed like Meatloaf, God! I couldn't stop laughing. I enjoyed watching two straight guys make out and fondle each other's privies, as well. I met this chick who I call "D" and she calls me "V"- haha I love it! I got people to dance around like idiots and sing to old heavy metal and punk music. Then, of course, the usual drama ensued and it was time to go. The drive wasn't bad though. Both trips were short and full of cheery conversation, except maybe the way back. My friend and I were wasted. I was singing and he was talking himself to an eventual sleep. Then he just sat there with his head hanging the rest of the way. That amused me. Escorting him to his front door was pretty much more amusing. Especially since he made no sense, almost forgot how to open his door, and told me to go off and "have fun in the wilderness." LoL. I woke up feeling great.

Saturday, December 25, 2004 The Art of War

This is my problem: I just don’t take enough risks! If you want to conquer the world, it is a necessity! I know what I want, but that is not enough. My next move can mean either everything, or nothing. One must think and make sure all plans and tactics are secure at this point.    Do I know my opponent? I mean do I; really? Would Sun Tzu be very ashamed of me? I must put my strategy together and make sure no account is out of place. But how am I to move when I am truly not secure at all points?    I guess that is it. I cannot move. But then again, war is about deception. If I am able, then I must showcase that I am unable…and then maybe----take a risk! That is the name of the game.    I may not make it through, my decision could serve me a good punishment, but if I want to move from this position at all, and have any chances of progressing in my favor; I may have no choice but to move. If I plan to truly take on this territory, I need to take it as a whole and intact. If I damage it before I have conquered it, I would be striking a blow against myself. Maybe I will take the territory. I could gain a card at least and it would provide temporary satisfaction.    But that is what I am afraid of. I may be missing something and be moving into an ambush. That would definitely not be good. Should I take the risk and play the game in the most fulfilling way? It is just a game after all…or is it?

Monday, December 13, 2004 One Cold Sunday Evening

This last weekend I had a lot of time to reflect, yet again.    I did all the normal productive things...fixed my room, the curtains, washed the laundry, cleaned the dishes, went jogging, put up the tree, deck the halls etc.    Sunday night rolled around and the last few hours before the work week was to begin reminded me of something almost enlightening and refreshing and depressing all at the same time. I was alone.    It had been a long while since I have felt this way. There I was on my balcony, feeling the frosty air on my cheeks, taking drag after drag of the last cigarette in my pack. There was only the sound of the wind and maybe some scurrying done by several animals nearby. The rustling of the trees was hard to ignore, likewise with the darkness of the fall sky.    Noone was with me to laugh and joke and share vices. I had attempted to collect people and maybe have some sort of get together...but they were out doing things that I really didn't feel like doing this time. I had also brought up a cold one from downstairs because I craved it. I had not smoked or drank since the Thursday before. Its funny because the beer did not taste quite as good, nor did I really feel that I needed to finish my cigarette...but I did anyway.    My spirit was very much alive and wanted terribly to go out and adventure. There was just no where to go; this time no one who wanted to come. I figured, these days happen. I fell asleep thinking of the first season of Sex in the City, Christmas, the want of doing something fun, and also--a random picture in my head of kiwis, being placed in an orderly fashion, far far away. =)

Wednesday, December 08, 2004 the snap

depressed. lost football game. the last one of the season. i fucked up on the fucking snap. im such a loser. tearz. who does that?!    anyway, the night ended up pretty good though. i was so, damn tired after the game. then, my brother and i went to enjoy free pizza and happy hour with our team mates at a sports bar. i drank a really stout wheat beer. it looked like milky caramel and i have to admit it was tasty.    i went home exhausted but then ended up getting messaged by one of my favorite friends to go out with him. Dispite my weariness, i decided to go since i had the next day off. off to flicks we went. we parked, drank a lot of wine and smoked in the truck as we laughed ourselves to death! the bar was so crowded, but i really didnt care because it was dollar drink night.    we ended up drunk as a pair of san diego bums. as we walked to the parking lot, he tore a bird of paradise flower right out of the parking lot planter and gave it to me! oh god, that was so funny! then, attempting the trip home, he could barely drive! so to sober, we stopped for burritos (of course). those taste so good after a night of drinking. all i have to say is i love it when i dont have work.

Monday, December 06, 2004 Do Run Run Run

Now is the time where I must deal with the post-partum effects of ending a show.    I decided not to audition for the next round. I now have no upcoming show and I have to admit it makes me a tad sad.    No more rehearsal everynight, at least for a while...and no more laughs and fun and drinks... I look forward to being in a real show in the dear future though, that is for sure.    I jogged for the first time in a long time yesterday...it felt good to do that again. Jogging can be therapeutic to the restless soul, I tell ya. It shall become a daily routine.    I'm still adjusting to these early sleeping hours and so I have to fill my time correctly...or I will start hating my job. Ha! Then again...its terribly cold too. It might as well snow!

Thursday, December 02, 2004 ghettofyed

so taday wuz uh pimp-tight day even though ah jet ta werk late cuz ah lost muh ma fuckin keys dis here morning. ah felt really nice coming home from werk. ah beat brothas in da whole place as far as havin' da most surveys done per hour. sweet! yeea , ah page peeps on surveys all day. ah beat each an' everybody in da place. gimme props. ah played me some football yesterday. it wuz hella fun! it wuz aight even though ah didn't git ta jet out drinking wiff muh ma fuckin niggas. dey jet out an' ah had ta jet ta bed. boohoo. dat'swhy ah shall party hardy during da weekends. can ah git uh whooda whoop whoop! one fear dat ah do have: everything goes perfect an' well...dat it means somethin' bad iz going ta happen. ah guess dat iz da pessimist in me. otay buh-weet. don't make me pull mah gat! gaddam. ah werk wiff all deez gangsters. muh ma fuckin close nigga dere iz an ex-crip, mang. her brudda died at da age o' 17 gangbangn. half da crowd iz salad tosser an' nahh doubt, most o' us iz minorities. can ya say ghetto! peace out nigga an dat boil on mah ass. !